Be Better Than Me
An update and lesson of my life so far
Where We Last Spoke
This article will be a update/lessons I’ve learned sort of deal thing. I haven’t been active as much as I should considering the amount of down time I initially had. Now with that said, my life took a considerate left turn like the rest of you during the start of this pandemic. It’s shown us the best, and worst of us. It’s almost as if common sense got thrown out of the window.
During my initial days in quarantine, I’ve lost my job at a mall due to COVID and on top of that the unemployment office wasn’t as helpful as they should with me and many others. I haven’t been able to receive a single thing of unemployment since the end of March….it’s now September. At this point in my life, I don’t know If I should try again for the 30th time or what in order to get something or anything.
Luckily, I was able to find a job working at a Jimmy John’s close to my new place, and the college I’m studying at. This is great for me, because I still don’t have a car, or really a license and yet I’m 22 about to be 23 this year. As much as people tell me it’s fine for me to not have one, I still feel like a lazy piece of shit for not doing it sooner. With that said, the job has given me a good bit of security….at least for the time being.
With all that said, I’ve also learned a lot of lessons this past summer and still learning now. Life keeps on going, and for most of it seems like I’m playing catch up. I don’t think I hit a point in my life where I’m satisfied with what I’m doing, and continually am doing my best to push through it. However, I seem to have lost my passion and willingness to do that even through my writing.
So here’s the lessons I’ve learned over the summer:
Don’t Do Too Much
This was the first lesson I’ve learned, and it’s one that have cost me for a time during my quarantine and the better part of the summer. I became arrogant of my own self, never realizing that I can do only so much. Decided to take a gig to create website, thinking it would be a simple one. I only had some experience with HTML due to playing around with it back in middle school, and learning it hear and there. The gig was too much to handle and demanding, but also the client didn’t really respect me as much as he should.
On top of that, the client promised me a certain amount of money to help pay for rent and didn’t follow through with it. The saying “Too good to be true” is accurate in this case. Really turned me off to gig work, and even my own writing for a time. Thinking on it now, I can say that the experience really helped me grow as a person especially in what I can, and can’t do. This also made me see the value of myself.
I also was doing a major project for the alumni relations office at my school, and didn’t do much of that because I was stressed about paying rent. I was trying to find jobs, jobs that related to the major I’m studying. After a while, I decided to swallow my pride a find one, anything really. Life was pretty much landing punches after punches. Really causing me to feel like a punching bag of regret, laziness, missed opportunity, and stress.
Plus I wanted to do more freelance writing gigs, or at least the one I was currently doing but even that felt like a chore. Now, you’re probably asking “well, did you file for unemployment?” and to answer that yes I have…..I didn’t receive any unemployment throughout the summer. I still haven’t received any, but luckily I found a stable job at Jimmy johns.
Importance Of Financial Literacy
This summer was also a major wake up call. Not only for taking on what I can manage, but also realizing my current money management skills need major work. This is what summer has taught me: 1)having multiple sources of income is key in order to make sure you’re financially secure. 2)Creating a budget is a great way to keep track of your spending for the short, and long term. 3) In order for me to improve my financial situation, I need to look at what I spend my money on.
Now even though my situation has improved going into the school year, I still have a ways to go and need to keep on making better choices. Not only in how I properly manage money, but where I’m spending it and how I’m using it. But this takes a great deal of making sure I’m not buying stupid shit I don’t want.
This summer also taught me the importance of the stock market and what to look out for. It’s still something I’m trying to learn especially since I haven’t been checking for quite sometime, but it is something that I want to start getting into now.
Learning about financial literacy has been a big thing for me this past summer, and even though I might not have applied it to my own life fully, It’s still something I want to improve on. I’m just as human as anyone else, which means that I can make a mistake.
Recognizing My Value
As I mentioned earlier in the article, I took a gig early in the summer which pretty much drained me, and where the client didn’t respect me as he should. The disrespect lie in the fact he decidedly talked shit about me to my friends. This client was a startup, so everything was new and so was the project.
It taught me, that I deserve better than what I dealt with and want for myself. That I can’t settle for less, and give myself the opportunities that will really benefit me in the long term. Am I fully confident in my value? I don’t know, probably not. Do I at least know where I stand in terms of my own abilities? Yes, I do with varying results.
I’ve went out of my way for others, sometimes at the expense of my own happiness and wellbeing because I really do want to help others. Helping is something that I want to do, not only with my writing but with my game design as well if it goes as far as it should. But I don’t want to help if it means sacrificing my own peace of mind, financial stability, and mental health. Because truthfully, I’m goddamn tired and want to do something for myself for a change.
I’ll help when I can be able to, and if it’s not at the expense of my own sanity. Because I’m flustered with having to pay for college for the first time, and paying rent, having to figure out billing situation that I put myself in earlier this year. The billing situation being that there’s a huge balance on a couple bills, and I need to transfer the bills over to my fraternity’s new house and transfer my name to someone else’s.
I have to deal with frustrating customer services that keep pushing me on deal that I don’t want, when all I ask is to help reactivate an account. I’m willing to wait, but honestly I’m tired of waiting on those companies to help me when I’m put on a wait list, and having to deal with shallow answers to questions that affect me.
Where To Go From Here?
Well, that’s what I’m trying to figure out. I’ll keep on pushing through as I always do, but I don’t know if people could help especially those closest to me. Yes, I know a closed mouth doesn’t get fed. I know for me, I’ll always need help to get myself on my feet a bit more before I can truly run for the rest of this year. I know that my family can only help when they can which I greatly appreciate, the same with my girlfriend, and my friends. But I don’t want to feel like a burden to them because my finances is shit, but slowly improving shit.
I will do my best to give you guys weekly posts every Friday, and post an article on either personal development or financial literacy. I will keep on trying to improve my current situation, and make sure I’m at a better place later than now. Will I be there eventually? Yes, because like life situations always have a way of figuring itself out when I keep on grinding.
As one of my best friends said to me this past summer:
“Stay hungry, even if you’re just snackin”
Stay tuned for another article starting next week. With that said, you guys say safe and healthy!
