Life: The Great Highway
Inspired by a song I listened to and thought on heavily ever since
We all heard the famous Rascal Flatts song. Hell, I remember my first time hearing it on Cars for the very first time. The first one, not the other ones. I forgot about the song till a couple of days ago. When one of the alumni in the chapter I’m in, decided to stop by and give me a couple of gifts.
The gifts were a birthday card, an edible gummy to keep me chill, and some flowers (weed). They were good gifts and I appreciated the fact he got me those as a late birthday gift. Another gift he gave me was a bit of wisdom in his own way, and one I needed to hear.
Now I can’t remember all he said due to the amount of alcohol I drunk within the past few days. But I can say the general gist was this: Always believe, never say can’t, and realize not everything is the end of the world. That you can come out of a hopeless situation always. But importantly, he told me to take a listen to the song.
Now, here we are talking about an oversaturated song from ways back. Telling you what I’ve learned from listening to it, my discussion with the alumni, and being in my own thoughts.
We Keep Moving
As anyone of us that took the highway, know we only go in one direction no matter which way we go. All we know is we’re driving forward from one place to another. Sometimes, we look back, and sometimes we don’t.
Life is like that, except that we have no turn signals, no brake lights, and no mirror to show where we recently come from. All we could do is move forward because at the end of the day life doesn’t stop for anyone. We can’t stay in the past forever because we can forget how to live in the present.
I have a small hope of getting one more chance with my ex. Because in my heart I know I want to get back with her and do things better with her. But I also realize that I can’t stay in the past on my mistakes with her. That she doesn’t have to give me a chance if she doesn’t want to. She’s completely free to choose and she doesn’t have to say shit to me. I accepted that whatever happens, happens.
At the end of the day, moving on is what I can do to heal and grow. I won’t rehash everything, since it’s been a minute and talking about it seem counterintuitive. But I am still a bit messed up in knowing I fucked up.
Yet, I’m not saying it from a standpoint of constant self-loathing or staying in the past. But in accepting that what happened has happened. And that all I can do is be the best person I can be and grow into someone better. Whether it’s with her again, or another person.
Keeping on moving forward also means letting go, and giving yourself time to heal and grow. I mentioned it in my previous articles, but again to reiterate I’m currently the President of Delta Sigma Phi. A role that I take very dear to my heart and do my absolute best in accomplishing my duties.
I have to move on and focus on making sure my chapter grows into a prosperous one. I have to focus on making sure my brothers are good. I have to make sure that I’m good because I can’t be of help to anyone if I can’t help myself. This is true especially in the situation we’re in. We’re nothing but a small group of 9 on our roster (including me).
I have alumni that want us to make big strides. Yet, I have to measure how big those strides we can actually take to grow well. I have to make sure the brotherhood is still there and alive so we can come together better as a chapter. This is true because even those that left the chapter due to circumstances still want to help in any way they can.
I also have to make sure all the paperwork is in order so we don’t get fucked again, and figure out how to recruit a lot of guys. Not any guys, but good quality guys that could help make this chapter the best it could be.
I have a lot of work ahead of me. But I know I also have a good support system within and outside of the fraternity I can lean on for help. I know I still have a lot of growing to do, I don’t know where but I’m taking those steps each day. I’m not a perfect man, hell none of us can ever be perfect.
Being who I am, where I’ve been, and the things I’ve done. I’ve realized that my life as a highway had its shares of good times, bad, and everything in-between. Like most of our lives. It’s why I’m never at peace, it’s why I drink and smoke.
The emotions in those times of drinking are usually those of self-loathing, of love, hate, criticism, sadness, depression. I’m never at peace with myself because the emotions are tied to the decisions I’ve made in my life, good or bad. I don’t like managing them sober, because I’m afraid of spiraling.
I don’t share often with my friends and loved ones because they’re not my therapist or ever will. I manage them alone because I push my feelings down, push people away, and pretend that I’m good. My mom might call me prideful, my friends even
But, I know at the end of the day they all love and care about me. They want to see that I’m good. That I do my full potential within myself and live a happy bountiful life. That I continue driving on the highway of my own life and make more memories on that long road to another place. But whatever could that place be? Well, let’s live long and find out.
